Sometimes God is just too kind to me

Yeah as you all know I am not fantastic in academics especially here in Singapore education system. And yeah, just wanna share how God's blessing is sometimes too good that I feel that I don't deserve it :/

Last Thursday, 19 July 2012, was the release of result for my first year 6 major mid-year exam. Honestly since the start of Year 6, I was busy and retardedly over-involved in my CCAs and my study is way way behind how it was supposed to be. Looking back I realized that it has always been like this since I was in Year 5. You don't know how hard and how down I feel everytime I get back my exam result slip. I often wonder when is it that I can actually make my parents proud of me from my academics results. I wonder...

In Year 5, I barely escaped getting warning letter TWICE. Mid-year and final year were hellish for me. I often get insomnia, even until last Friday before the release of result and yeah anxiety and worry just come every single hour like nobody's business. If not because of God's grace, I often wonder how I can ever survive until now for the past 1.5 year, barely passing the cut off point by 1 twice last year. 

And today, God's grace allows me again to stay 'alive', away from those warning letters. Yeah, here I am now today, surviving this only because of His grace. Yeah, I get 26 points for my mid-year, with 12 points for my HL, just enough to meet the minimum grade boundary, with a 3 for my maths which I taught that I would get either 1 or 2 points.

Yeah I am still disappointed that I haven't been able to get a single 6 points in my IB life. But truly, I think I'm just being a complete ass if I continues to feel sad like this, ignoring what God has done to me. So yeah, I really need to buck up, and continue preparing for IOC in 13 days, and get that 32+points for prelims. 

and yeah Dr. A. R Bernard in his sermont today talked about keep praying and yeah I think that's what I really need to do now. And I really thankful for you all who showed your concern and support by asking me how I did in exam and offered me help and moral support. God bless :)

-Dei-

I'm Happy for You Now

It's been more than a year.

Time flies huh :/ and so do people, away from us.

I realized a few months back, that you are now living your happy life, with someone that I shouldn't mention in the first place :P Recalling those times when you looked for a place to stay, needing someone to really talk to, and complaining about family, life, everything. It seems really really nostalgic. Like really -.-

But yeah I'm  happy for you now. Glad that all those gloomy sad shaky moments in your life (with me maybe) has come to an end. hahaha. I'm not jealous, do don't worry too much about me doing retarded things to ruin your life now. hahaa. But I do promise that our own story will always remain with us and noone else. At least that's what I have promised to do. 

I wish you two a happy times ahead. Do take care of your health, and eat your fish!drink your teh-ping (idk how to spell) and good luck with life, study, and all. I'll see you when I see you next time :) God bless you mbul, and take care.

-Dei-

Thank You for Everything

1:40am

Yeah it came at this time when I'm all alone by myself. 

...and so yeah Hi you over there! this one is for you. With a mixture of regret, care, nostalgic feeling, hope, and gratefulness delivered from these million pieces of feelings came from heart.  

It's been a while I guess... since the last time I have someone whom I can really talk to about anything anytime. Yeah, 6 months it's been and now I'm kinda missing you, honestly. But I know that things can't go back the way it was. but I really do hope that you will move on and realized that there is a reason behind my decision and It's not a mere one-sided decision based on my ego. And honestly, I just want you to know that I was tired...of my own life, school, church, friends, family, and yeah all the fights we had. I just feel that I just can't do it anymore. And don't get me wrong. It's not because of your faults, neither it's my faults. It's ours in my eyes. But please do understand that I didn't give up on us. I just think that this cannot work anymore. At least for this point in time. 

I know that we have been through a lot and those things are not easy at all. I know that it is not at all easy for you. But above all, all I can say is I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry :( Sorry for everything that I have done wrong. Be it my attitude, decisions, personalities, ego, lack of care, and my own childish immature actions that made you sad. I do believe that I owe you an apology for all of those. yeah nothing prevents you from judging me. But do remember that I will never judge you in front of others. That's one things you can be sure of. You will just be you to other people, not you from what I tell people who you are. And ultimately, above all, you are once my dearest person aren't you.

And I wanna thank you for the important lessons that I have learnt for you. Yeah you have taught me a lot. From being dedicated, to never give up, to manage my time, to care about people, and to be grateful for what I have. All these lessons from you, I will never forget., nuff said.

If you think that I've been avoiding you or dao-ing you whenever I meet you, it's not that I intend to do it in the first place. It's just me, trying to get this mixed feeling right because I do hope that everything is gonna be well in the end. For us, not only for me. 

One thing I hope. that You will accept my apology for all the wrong things I did. Yeah I'm sorry. but that's merely my hope after all.

Lastly, thank you again for being there for me through all thick and thins. You taught me one hell of experience for the past 1 year 7 months. and I really wanna thank you for that. 

Do take care mbul and God bless you always :'|

-Dei-