Hating this feeling

Lonely, exhausted, troubled, unhappy.

Those are maybe the very best words to describe me the past 3 weeks or so.

Have you ever been in a  situation where you really don't feel like going through tomorrow? Feel like your life is just a completely boring cycle where same things happen again and again every day?

Yeah, that's precisely how I have been feeling. Maybe I'm being quite a douche writing this but oh well as much as I hate having this feeling. I'm still looking for things that can really cheer me up. Yet, whatever things I post on this post are still true.

So...

Whenever I feel lonely, I realize that I will start cheering myself up. be it through music/soccer/sleep/study/ or just finding someone to share this retarded feeling. But honestly speaking, the last option seems to get harder and harder to find. I don't know whether it's just me or there have seriously been a huge gap between me and my friends.

TRUE FRIENDS WILL BE THERE FOR YOU, they said.

As much as I want to thank my friends; Kevin, Liuwie, Kenneth, Kai Shin, Johandy, Rainer, Pin Yaw, Jonta, Put, and the rest, who have been such a support for me to go through the day, I really still feel kinda empty inside. But really these guys have my sincere gratitude and I'm really thankful for them.

Maybe it's because of too much stress; I have no idea also. But yeah this is me, for the past 3 weeks or so. Hopefully it will be over soon.


-Dei-

An advice

This is just a small tips for those who are single and still looking for a correct one.

You might already know this but I just wanna share it anyway. For guys out there, if you meet a girl somewhere in your life, DON'T EVER BE FRIENDS WITH HER WITH AN INTENTION OF MAKING HER YOURS. It will never work!

It's just so sad that a lot of times a guy and a girl break up just a few weeks or months after they are together. I find that there is a high possibility that they both don't know each other at all and trying to smoke their way through together for a couple of weeks or so. It won't work!And let me tell you this. Your intention in knowing her must be to befriend her first. Because when you straight away chase her with a wrong intention, by the time you both are in a relationship, you will still don't know each other that well yet. And you will most probably end up arguing and fighting a lot. and it might end up tragically. So, try to know each other's strengths and weakness properly first and try your best to weigh your decision.

So, just think about this small piece of advice. Hope it helps.



-Dei-

A dedication of a brother

Thursday, 2 August 2012.

Yeah, the day when I finished most probably my last IOC in my life (hopefully). And it has come to my realization that my IB life almost come to an end. It only seems like yesterday that I kissed goodbye to my IOC in secondary 4, 2 years ago, with an extraordinary happiness realizing that I would only see it again in 2 years time.

Again, time flies, and since then I lost track of time, Year 5 went by so fast that I still remember clearly my first day as an IB student.  The fact that all these EE, TOK, IAs, World Lit, CCAs, and IOC has come to an end really really dazzled me. And among all these relieve and joy, above all, it is with my outmost gratitude that I wanna thank my brother for his dedication and patience in helping me.

This post does not aim to glorify his name or show how different we are, it is just a mere thankful feeling that I received, primarily through the IOC that I just finished.

1st of August, 10.30pm. We sat in the hall lounge as he offered me some tips in dealing with my IOC. That was the first time I attempted to verbalize my thoughts for my IOC. Yeah, the night before. And with all hesitation and worry, I tried. And after a gruelling 6mins, I stopped, yeah, 3 mins less than the minimum amount of time that I am supposed to speak. It just came into my mind, the fact that how troublesome I might have been in my study. That disappointed on my bro's face really troubled me. But despite all, it gave me motivation to study harder to prepare for IB which is around 90 more days. It just somehow gave me a boost in doing well for IB not for me but for my family, teachers, and friends, esp my bro.

SO yeah, thank you bro! (: Hopefully I can only miss your points by no more than 2. Pray for me yeah.


-Dei-

Sometimes God is just too kind to me

Yeah as you all know I am not fantastic in academics especially here in Singapore education system. And yeah, just wanna share how God's blessing is sometimes too good that I feel that I don't deserve it :/

Last Thursday, 19 July 2012, was the release of result for my first year 6 major mid-year exam. Honestly since the start of Year 6, I was busy and retardedly over-involved in my CCAs and my study is way way behind how it was supposed to be. Looking back I realized that it has always been like this since I was in Year 5. You don't know how hard and how down I feel everytime I get back my exam result slip. I often wonder when is it that I can actually make my parents proud of me from my academics results. I wonder...

In Year 5, I barely escaped getting warning letter TWICE. Mid-year and final year were hellish for me. I often get insomnia, even until last Friday before the release of result and yeah anxiety and worry just come every single hour like nobody's business. If not because of God's grace, I often wonder how I can ever survive until now for the past 1.5 year, barely passing the cut off point by 1 twice last year. 

And today, God's grace allows me again to stay 'alive', away from those warning letters. Yeah, here I am now today, surviving this only because of His grace. Yeah, I get 26 points for my mid-year, with 12 points for my HL, just enough to meet the minimum grade boundary, with a 3 for my maths which I taught that I would get either 1 or 2 points.

Yeah I am still disappointed that I haven't been able to get a single 6 points in my IB life. But truly, I think I'm just being a complete ass if I continues to feel sad like this, ignoring what God has done to me. So yeah, I really need to buck up, and continue preparing for IOC in 13 days, and get that 32+points for prelims. 

and yeah Dr. A. R Bernard in his sermont today talked about keep praying and yeah I think that's what I really need to do now. And I really thankful for you all who showed your concern and support by asking me how I did in exam and offered me help and moral support. God bless :)

-Dei-

I'm Happy for You Now

It's been more than a year.

Time flies huh :/ and so do people, away from us.

I realized a few months back, that you are now living your happy life, with someone that I shouldn't mention in the first place :P Recalling those times when you looked for a place to stay, needing someone to really talk to, and complaining about family, life, everything. It seems really really nostalgic. Like really -.-

But yeah I'm  happy for you now. Glad that all those gloomy sad shaky moments in your life (with me maybe) has come to an end. hahaha. I'm not jealous, do don't worry too much about me doing retarded things to ruin your life now. hahaa. But I do promise that our own story will always remain with us and noone else. At least that's what I have promised to do. 

I wish you two a happy times ahead. Do take care of your health, and eat your fish!drink your teh-ping (idk how to spell) and good luck with life, study, and all. I'll see you when I see you next time :) God bless you mbul, and take care.

-Dei-