CAlifornia

29 May 2013

It's been a month since the day. And now I kinda get a better picture of how things were back then. 

First of all, it's of course a big thank you to you for bringing more colours to my life despite all the stressful things happening last year. I know it was not easy for you and for me, but I realize there is nothing to regret and nothing to be sad for anymore.

Wrong time, wrong place.

Maybe that's the best I can put it in words. Although I know we were never meant to be, it's just really heart-warming to spend time with a cheerful person like you. It was really fun to actually know someone who is capable of making me happy almost everytime you are around. 

Thank you also for being so patient and understanding. It really really surprises me seeing how understanding you are despite how stupid and indecisive I could be at times. And if you asked me whether I would turn back time if I actually can, it is still a NO for me. hehehe 

Lastly, I just wanna say it's been (quite) a long journey since I first know you. Things get awkward, things get  frustrating sometimes. But we can get through it somehow. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being so patient and cheerful. I know you were there for a reason, a good good reason i guess. Time flies, but the time we spent was always worth it.

Take care

-Dei- 

Another chapter in Life, friends forever :)

6 January 2013 : The day I won't forget for life.

It was the day of the release of the IBDP 2012 results. The finishing line of my 4 years life in ACS(I) which undoubtedly passed by so freaking fast. The feeling before the results was a mixture of both anxiety and enthusiasm, yet again it did make me ponder, what has this 4 years journey turned me into?

ACS is not just a school for me, like most of us, I do believe ACS has become my home, my identity, my pride, and of course, my family. And I just want to share some things and thank some people whom I can't ever thank enough as they have been a source of help and inspiration during the ups and downs of my stay in ACS.

ACS reminds me the importance of friendship and brotherhood. Some friends will remain for life, some will pass by, or some will just don't bother you the next time you meet them. Yet I do believe the importance of every single one of them as they have impacted, inspired, motivated, and of course shaped me into who I am today.

As Muhammad Ali said it;

Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned everything.
-Muhammad Ali-

My classmates are retarded. Maybe that's the exact way to put it. Although my class is supposed to be a class of 27 students (at least until around term 3 of 2012) =P, I do realize that my classmates in this context, only refer to a handful of students. And these friends (yes I have close friends, not only a friend like Hanh LOL), you guys have been the colours of my IB journey.

Dear Liuwie:
Thank you for being a supportive, kind, faithful, crazy, and of course retarded close friend and classmate for the past 4 years, I will clearly remember your perverted face in the future whenever I meet you hahaha. yet, beneath all that, your easy-going and helpful nature dazzled me. There is only a bunch of people whom I can actually talk to and ask for opinions in almost every single shit in my life and thankfully you are one of them and you have my utmost sincere gratitude for that. It's just amazing how I can depend on you every single time I need help and really thanks for being there. My ACS(I) life will be less fun and entertaining if I have not known you since the start. Oh, and thank you for being my seat-partner in every single freaking overseas trip since secondary 3. I hope that I did not offend you that much, yet I do believe I have learnt my lesson if I indeed have done so.  You have undoubtedly changed me to become a way better person.

Dear Qianhui:
Another thank you for being there on my 2 years journey, not only as a friend, but also our class's bimbo hahaha. I do love talking to you, your sincerity and compassion are beyond words and You show me how to be more patient, more tolerant, and of course more himbotic. And I Wanna Thank You for that! Although we only shared physics and TOK classes, I am indeed grateful to know you as a caring friend. Sorry if I ever do you wrong, yet I do know my brownies will always compensate it for you hehehe.

Dear Sabrina:
I have seen you grow as a person these past 2 years and I am really grateful to have you as a good friend. You indeed make my IB journey much more fun and enjoyable. You have helped me in a lot of ways, be it emotionally, mentally, and of course academically. Thank you for always being helpful and approachable these two years and I know you will do great in the future. You have to realize that you are indeed a nice, approachable, supportive, and dedicated person, and you will do even better in the future. But please complain less in twitter sabs, it's not good for health hahaha. =) And finally, thank you again for your help in my uni apps, really appreciate your willingness. 

And many more whom I can't mention one by one. Yet again, thank you so much for all your help and support. You all have my utmost gratitude for helping, nurturing, moulding, and teaching me to be a better person beyond all the grades and accomplishment that we all achieve. I hope you all have enjoyed your IB journey as much as I enjoyed mine with you guys. I am indeed looking forward to see you all soon =)

THANK YOU BROTHERS and SISTERS =)

-Dei-

Faith as big as a mustard seed

HAVE FAITH

God has been really good! These past two weeks or so, when everything that counts is only study study study. Prelims in 9 days and even since last week I have not been in the mood to do anything, and even studying. 

I have been feeling this loneliness for God knows how long. As maybe if you know me well enough you will know that I am not the person who can live to study. So this exam period surely kills me slowly...but surely. 

It was Wednesday 22 August 2012 when I really felt this urge to pray. Feel the extreme need to seek God.

And believe it or not, His blessings never fail. His love is never-ending. 

It started last Monday. Boarding School has this inter-hall volleyball competition. As you know that Hall 4 sucks in sports like nobody business. But oh well I decided to play. Being the only hall with no subs, only 1-2 supporters, PinYaw, Anthony, and I, gave our shot. AND it turns out fine!we clinched the 2nd place, losing only because of stupid mistakes. At first I was kinda angsty, disappointed, damn sian, knowing that we should have won it. But oh well, HERE COMES THE IMPORTANT PART:

I myself noticed. For some reasons or another (I do believe that it is God's work in me) that I have really really been transformed to become more patient, more calm, and more mature these few months. I really feel that I am generally more happy, less angry, and most importantly, care more for others. 

Despite feeling pissed, I got that breeze that made me instead feel composed, calm, and to an extent, peaceful. Moral lesson? 

Seek him, and you will feel the changes within you.

Wednesday.

It was International Night in Boarding School. My last one and probably the second last one the whole boarding school gathered together for this year for a function. It started okay I guess. Food, performances, and lastly the ASEAN Cup ceremony. Yeah our team could only win silver since I was injured during the competition, and also lack of practice and enthusiasm. But really, it was really a once in a lifetime experience to be on stage, collecting prize representing my country. And the photo session afterwards really REMINDS ME OF HOW BLESSED I AM TO HAVE SUCH AMAZING AND CARING FRIENDS. It just struck me in my face that GOD NEVER LEAVES ME. 

He has His own ways in doing things and his own time to finally make it good in the end!

And finally Thursday and Friday were filled with preparation for Teacher's Day. That was actually my first time to give something to my teachers. And it felt great!and it reminds me of their irreplaceable contributions to my life! SO yeah HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY!=)

Wait wait. I haven't told you the moral lesson!

Thirdly and lastly:

God sent different people, even the unexpected ones, to make changes in your life, to push you day by day, just to make you share that happiness to others 

To sum up, trust God!Have faith that He will always love you and never leave you. It's not only faith for big things!Even small things in your life, He will take care of them! So begin with a prayer!Trust him and He will take care of your life!=)


God bless!


-Dei-

Your name does rhyme with it

So...this video has been a part of my daily life since I found it like errrr 2 months back? and the very reason why I love this song is because this song somehow reminds me of you. And  my favourite singer sang it, with one of my favourite drummer and guitarist although the three are not even in same band. So, listening to this always give me that goosebumps.

The original lyrics goes like this:


Hey,Sephia (Hey Sephia)
Malam ini ku takkan datang (Tonight I won't come over)
Mencoba 'tuk berpaling sayang (Trying to hold back my heart)
Dari cintamu (From Your love)
Hey,Sephia (Hey Sephia)
Malam ini ku takkan pulang (Tonight I won't come home)
Tak usah kau mencari aku,demi cintamu (Don't try to find me for your love)

Hadapilah ini (Try to face it)
Kisah kita takkan abadi (Our story won't last forever)

S'lamat tidur kekasih gelap ku[ooo.....Sephia] (Goodnight my secret love)
S'moga cepat kau lupakan aku (Hope you forget me soon)
Kekasih sejatimu takkan pernah sanggup untuk melupakanmu (Your true lover will never be able to forget you)

S'lamat tinggal kasih tak terungkap [ooo.....Sephia] (Goodbye my unspoken love)
S'moga kau lupakan aku cepat (Hope you forget me soon)
Kekasih sejatimu takkan pernah sanggup untuk meninggalkanmu (Your true love will never be able to leave you)

Hey,Sephia (Hey Sephia)
Jangan pernah panggil namaku (Don't ever try to call my name)
Bila kita bertemu lagi (When we meet again)
Di lain hari (At another day)

Hadapilah ini (Just try to face this)
Kisah kita takkan abadi (Our story won't last forever)

This song reminds me that you have taught me a lot whether you realize or not. You directly or indirectly become the benchmark on how I see every girls whom I see since then. I know where you are right now, but sadly I don't even know how are you :/ I just hope that sometimes in the future we will cross path again and again sorry for hurting you back then without much thought put. I still remember you crying when you called me 5 years back btw =( But really a big big thank you for setting a high standard for my love life hahahaha.
God bless yeap =)


-Dei- 

Apple of my eye

This is just a mere description of how I feel. Nothing is implied nor suggested.

.......

Do you know how I feel? I don't think so!and I hope not!hahaha

I'm writing this because I have had enough keeping this to myself. So yeah. Last year was the first time I had these butterflies in my stomach everytime I see you. No it's not that kind of love feeling. Ok maybe I like you as a friend and yeah I'm still trying to figure out what it is until now. hahaha.

It started in January, I enjoyed talking to you and seeing you around. Looking back at the memories, I wonder how quite a number of time we were getting closer doing things together. BUT don't get me wrong. I'm not being big-headed, thinking that you like me or something! No No No. BIG NO

Honestly speaking I love having you as a friend. Talking to you is always fun and retarded. Maybe it's because of your easy-going nature I guess. It's just something that I don't always have in myself, so I kinda jealous you for that :/ And I love hearing your stories! How your parents are running their business!Your ex and other retarded stories! It just seems that your life is damn fun, unlike mine at least for the past 1 year or so.

Andddd I like your smile. It reflects pure happiness leh. Wahlao. -.- hahahaha. and I do hope that my decision not to take anything more than being friends was correct. Because I also do think that it will be weird and awkward if I did that in the first place. So I hope that I hid it well enough and I DO NOT want to know your feeling to me!

But really thanks for being a good friend, I really appreciate it. I hope I don't say anything that will affect our friendship :) God bless.


-Dei-

Hating this feeling

Lonely, exhausted, troubled, unhappy.

Those are maybe the very best words to describe me the past 3 weeks or so.

Have you ever been in a  situation where you really don't feel like going through tomorrow? Feel like your life is just a completely boring cycle where same things happen again and again every day?

Yeah, that's precisely how I have been feeling. Maybe I'm being quite a douche writing this but oh well as much as I hate having this feeling. I'm still looking for things that can really cheer me up. Yet, whatever things I post on this post are still true.

So...

Whenever I feel lonely, I realize that I will start cheering myself up. be it through music/soccer/sleep/study/ or just finding someone to share this retarded feeling. But honestly speaking, the last option seems to get harder and harder to find. I don't know whether it's just me or there have seriously been a huge gap between me and my friends.

TRUE FRIENDS WILL BE THERE FOR YOU, they said.

As much as I want to thank my friends; Kevin, Liuwie, Kenneth, Kai Shin, Johandy, Rainer, Pin Yaw, Jonta, Put, and the rest, who have been such a support for me to go through the day, I really still feel kinda empty inside. But really these guys have my sincere gratitude and I'm really thankful for them.

Maybe it's because of too much stress; I have no idea also. But yeah this is me, for the past 3 weeks or so. Hopefully it will be over soon.


-Dei-

An advice

This is just a small tips for those who are single and still looking for a correct one.

You might already know this but I just wanna share it anyway. For guys out there, if you meet a girl somewhere in your life, DON'T EVER BE FRIENDS WITH HER WITH AN INTENTION OF MAKING HER YOURS. It will never work!

It's just so sad that a lot of times a guy and a girl break up just a few weeks or months after they are together. I find that there is a high possibility that they both don't know each other at all and trying to smoke their way through together for a couple of weeks or so. It won't work!And let me tell you this. Your intention in knowing her must be to befriend her first. Because when you straight away chase her with a wrong intention, by the time you both are in a relationship, you will still don't know each other that well yet. And you will most probably end up arguing and fighting a lot. and it might end up tragically. So, try to know each other's strengths and weakness properly first and try your best to weigh your decision.

So, just think about this small piece of advice. Hope it helps.



-Dei-

A dedication of a brother

Thursday, 2 August 2012.

Yeah, the day when I finished most probably my last IOC in my life (hopefully). And it has come to my realization that my IB life almost come to an end. It only seems like yesterday that I kissed goodbye to my IOC in secondary 4, 2 years ago, with an extraordinary happiness realizing that I would only see it again in 2 years time.

Again, time flies, and since then I lost track of time, Year 5 went by so fast that I still remember clearly my first day as an IB student.  The fact that all these EE, TOK, IAs, World Lit, CCAs, and IOC has come to an end really really dazzled me. And among all these relieve and joy, above all, it is with my outmost gratitude that I wanna thank my brother for his dedication and patience in helping me.

This post does not aim to glorify his name or show how different we are, it is just a mere thankful feeling that I received, primarily through the IOC that I just finished.

1st of August, 10.30pm. We sat in the hall lounge as he offered me some tips in dealing with my IOC. That was the first time I attempted to verbalize my thoughts for my IOC. Yeah, the night before. And with all hesitation and worry, I tried. And after a gruelling 6mins, I stopped, yeah, 3 mins less than the minimum amount of time that I am supposed to speak. It just came into my mind, the fact that how troublesome I might have been in my study. That disappointed on my bro's face really troubled me. But despite all, it gave me motivation to study harder to prepare for IB which is around 90 more days. It just somehow gave me a boost in doing well for IB not for me but for my family, teachers, and friends, esp my bro.

SO yeah, thank you bro! (: Hopefully I can only miss your points by no more than 2. Pray for me yeah.


-Dei-

Sometimes God is just too kind to me

Yeah as you all know I am not fantastic in academics especially here in Singapore education system. And yeah, just wanna share how God's blessing is sometimes too good that I feel that I don't deserve it :/

Last Thursday, 19 July 2012, was the release of result for my first year 6 major mid-year exam. Honestly since the start of Year 6, I was busy and retardedly over-involved in my CCAs and my study is way way behind how it was supposed to be. Looking back I realized that it has always been like this since I was in Year 5. You don't know how hard and how down I feel everytime I get back my exam result slip. I often wonder when is it that I can actually make my parents proud of me from my academics results. I wonder...

In Year 5, I barely escaped getting warning letter TWICE. Mid-year and final year were hellish for me. I often get insomnia, even until last Friday before the release of result and yeah anxiety and worry just come every single hour like nobody's business. If not because of God's grace, I often wonder how I can ever survive until now for the past 1.5 year, barely passing the cut off point by 1 twice last year. 

And today, God's grace allows me again to stay 'alive', away from those warning letters. Yeah, here I am now today, surviving this only because of His grace. Yeah, I get 26 points for my mid-year, with 12 points for my HL, just enough to meet the minimum grade boundary, with a 3 for my maths which I taught that I would get either 1 or 2 points.

Yeah I am still disappointed that I haven't been able to get a single 6 points in my IB life. But truly, I think I'm just being a complete ass if I continues to feel sad like this, ignoring what God has done to me. So yeah, I really need to buck up, and continue preparing for IOC in 13 days, and get that 32+points for prelims. 

and yeah Dr. A. R Bernard in his sermont today talked about keep praying and yeah I think that's what I really need to do now. And I really thankful for you all who showed your concern and support by asking me how I did in exam and offered me help and moral support. God bless :)

-Dei-

I'm Happy for You Now

It's been more than a year.

Time flies huh :/ and so do people, away from us.

I realized a few months back, that you are now living your happy life, with someone that I shouldn't mention in the first place :P Recalling those times when you looked for a place to stay, needing someone to really talk to, and complaining about family, life, everything. It seems really really nostalgic. Like really -.-

But yeah I'm  happy for you now. Glad that all those gloomy sad shaky moments in your life (with me maybe) has come to an end. hahaha. I'm not jealous, do don't worry too much about me doing retarded things to ruin your life now. hahaa. But I do promise that our own story will always remain with us and noone else. At least that's what I have promised to do. 

I wish you two a happy times ahead. Do take care of your health, and eat your fish!drink your teh-ping (idk how to spell) and good luck with life, study, and all. I'll see you when I see you next time :) God bless you mbul, and take care.

-Dei-

Thank You for Everything

1:40am

Yeah it came at this time when I'm all alone by myself. 

...and so yeah Hi you over there! this one is for you. With a mixture of regret, care, nostalgic feeling, hope, and gratefulness delivered from these million pieces of feelings came from heart.  

It's been a while I guess... since the last time I have someone whom I can really talk to about anything anytime. Yeah, 6 months it's been and now I'm kinda missing you, honestly. But I know that things can't go back the way it was. but I really do hope that you will move on and realized that there is a reason behind my decision and It's not a mere one-sided decision based on my ego. And honestly, I just want you to know that I was tired...of my own life, school, church, friends, family, and yeah all the fights we had. I just feel that I just can't do it anymore. And don't get me wrong. It's not because of your faults, neither it's my faults. It's ours in my eyes. But please do understand that I didn't give up on us. I just think that this cannot work anymore. At least for this point in time. 

I know that we have been through a lot and those things are not easy at all. I know that it is not at all easy for you. But above all, all I can say is I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry :( Sorry for everything that I have done wrong. Be it my attitude, decisions, personalities, ego, lack of care, and my own childish immature actions that made you sad. I do believe that I owe you an apology for all of those. yeah nothing prevents you from judging me. But do remember that I will never judge you in front of others. That's one things you can be sure of. You will just be you to other people, not you from what I tell people who you are. And ultimately, above all, you are once my dearest person aren't you.

And I wanna thank you for the important lessons that I have learnt for you. Yeah you have taught me a lot. From being dedicated, to never give up, to manage my time, to care about people, and to be grateful for what I have. All these lessons from you, I will never forget., nuff said.

If you think that I've been avoiding you or dao-ing you whenever I meet you, it's not that I intend to do it in the first place. It's just me, trying to get this mixed feeling right because I do hope that everything is gonna be well in the end. For us, not only for me. 

One thing I hope. that You will accept my apology for all the wrong things I did. Yeah I'm sorry. but that's merely my hope after all.

Lastly, thank you again for being there for me through all thick and thins. You taught me one hell of experience for the past 1 year 7 months. and I really wanna thank you for that. 

Do take care mbul and God bless you always :'|

-Dei-